it's only teenage waistband

Ladies and gentlemen, it's true...I am getting fatter.

And while some of the girls that I hang around with have been waiting for this moment (you evil chubby chasers), I could personally do without the pregnant lady stomach. It isn't that I want to be a lard-ass, but I don't like the looks of the alternatives. Sit-ups and eating right? No thanks. I'd rather scarf down cheeseburgers and play Super Mario 3 all day.

Basically, it all boils down to the fact that I am too lazy to start running and too hungry to stop eating. In all likelihood, I am just going to take the easy way out and have my stomach stapled or something. That way, not only will I be a slim 140 pounds (scenester weight), I will also have a supertoughguy scar so that people will think twice before trying to screw with me.