king of all the earth

I have decided to steal the thunder from my homeboys over in Thailand and am hereby declaring a coup on the city of Chico. Technically, I'm not really sure who the rightful leader of Chico is now that the Queen of the Momos is living large out in Idaho, but whichever frat-rocker/cabrini green-jocker is calling the shots had better watch his/her (equality of the sexes and all that) back. Because when I am mayor of this town, my first decree is going to involve shipping everyone who sucks balls (aka most southern california/bay area transplants) back to where they came from. Furthermore, once Chico is restored to its rightful state, vodka will flow in the streets and there will be free boomboxes for all and blah blah blah...