monday...humiliation, tuesday...suffocation, wednesday...condescension, thursday is pathetic

"i know your friends are after you to stop seeing me...seeing me at all. 'he says such spiteful things to you.' well maybe, but guess what? you girls say much worse everyday." --as good as gospel--

I know, I know. I promised some of you that I was only going to write about smiles and rainbows from here on out, but you are going to have to allow me this one last indulgence of frustration...after which, I will immediately return to my former glory and will exude nothing but wit and charm upon all of you (swear).

--three hours later--

I was going to write of scandal...of friendships turned otherwise, of excuses ready and waiting, of living for other people's desires...but I no longer want to. Instead...

Walking around with you tonight seemed fraudulent. Pretending to be something we were already...something lesser. Over the past few days, we somehow became acquaintances stepping out for the first time, two people who feel less than comfortable around each other (which is a demon all its own) pretending as though they aren't. Conversation after conversation about the most trivial of things, because fear of "that" conversation keeps everything under lock and key. In any case, its not right...or at least not honest. And if this is your solution to awkwardness...fine. But it seems all the more so to me.